Tuesday, March 20, 2012

a little bit more than miserable...

   Tomorrow is the big day.  We had to start Sawyer's dialysis extra early so he would get his full ten hours of treatment.  He made a point of reminding me that this was his last night of dialysis.  As much as he hates the hospital, he is excited about the end of dialysis and getting rid of the PD catheter that has been surgically attached to his body for 7 months.

     Karen is at peace tonight and is as ready as she will ever be for tomorrow.  She is my strong, hero-wife.

     I confess that I am a little bit more than miserable tonight thinking about what Karen and Sawyer are going  to go through tomorrow. I'd do absolutely anything, short of dishonoring my God,  to take this burden from them and this life long fight away from Sawyer.  I hate it.

     The hardest part of this trial is not trusting God and His plan, it's watching your loved ones suffer.  I read a quote this morning that was attributed to  CS Lewis.  It said,  "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."

   So, as I go to bed tonight, I'll do what I've done every night since August 17th , (the day we learned of Sawyer's kidney failure) I'm going to beg and plead with God to intervene and heal my boy.

    I will be posting updates tomorrow as fast as I get them.  Thank you for your prayers and for caring so much for our family.


Erica said...

Oh, Toby, to see the love of a husband and Father through your eyes has been the closest I have ever experienced to the Love God has for us! What a remarkable witness you have been in your humble, broken, weak, and yet uwavering love toward God. You inspire me daily! Thank you, my brother-in-Christ, for making me start my day broken too! As tears flow, I know my God loves me the way you love your family! I am so moved. Praying for you all in this moment for that miracle! I will be watching for the headlines!

Lori West :) said...

God has got them - in His big, mighty hands!
You are a such a good husband and father - and you've done well (and will continue to do well) with what God has entrusted to you!
We are here for you Toby!! Praying alongside you!! Asking God for a set of NEW kidneys for Sawyer - so Karen can keep hers! :)

Love you guys!

MaxwellsinTexas said...

Praying for you and family, keep us posted throughout the day - David & Jill.

Anonymous said...

Your family is incredible and strong as the good lord above will stay with you through this. Of course you already know this, but our prayers are with you every step if the way in North Carolina.

Melissa H. said...

I am so glad to hear that Sawyer is doing so well!!! Please tell him Ms. Melissa says, "Hello,and that I am so proud of him!!!" Tell him I am ready to beat him in a game of "Farm Bingo." :) Please let Karen know that I pray her pain is better soon! Keeping you all in my prayers!